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Aneesh Lohani


Mouse Potatoes’ Chronicles – Just in Jest

Contemporary history is privy to two kinds of technological disasters. The first kind is a breed of bloated couch potatoes, who, in politically correct terms, deserve the introduction: ‘large’, button savvy, eye-candy enthusiasts. The second kind is the newfound ‘chair person’; the reclusive click-o-maniac mouse potato, who, for witty reasons, shall be called MP 1 and 0 or simply, MP10. Recent observations have shown that MP10’s are at high risks of virtual delirium leading to social hiccups and bad relationships.

After an incessant session of chairing a multitude of software poking endeavors — that lasted for 16 hours — one MP10 had a hard time waking up the next morning. Due to the ensuing digital hangover and manic episodes of delirium, MP10 couldn’t face the brazen morning sunlight. Naturally, he reached for the non-existent mouse to minimize the curtains. Unlike most of his friends who were saturated in liquor the previous night, MP10 was high on digits. 150 Megabytes worth of extended sleep later and a few sequences of brain hangs and restarts, MP10 finally woke up and headed for the coffee simulator that most call percolator. Disgruntled and disoriented, MP10 slipped and spilled his coffee on the floor. It took him some time to realize that the ‘undo function’ was not quite the requisite next step.

After a laborious effort commensurate to building the pyramids, MP10 finally got through the exacting onus of brushing, shaving and bathing. The shrill of the mobile phone averted a certain disaster, for MP10 was about to discard the set on the bathroom recycle bin, flushing it away. He had also flushed away the memory of the rendezvous planned with his girlfriend. The vociferous outcry from the other side of the mobile connection rattled his brain like the acrobatic smiley’s on MSN. The call reminded him of the dream he had a few hours back — he was brandishing a keyboard at Zengish Khan who had kidnapped his girlfriend. They were both on a Trojan horse with Bill Gates overlooking the spectacle from the clouds. For the next 45 minutes, MP10 tried hopelessly to cheer his girlfriend up with wine and words – a proposition he thought to be as demanding as Y2K. In a momentary lapse of reason, he thought about converting the wine glass into editable poly, instead.

MP10’s girlfriend had planned to surprise him with her new look: rimless spectacles and burgundy died hair. She was certainly expecting compliments. Instead, MP10 thought her hair needed a bit of ‘gamma correction’. And, he was fully set to adjust the opacity of her glasses for he was convinced that it was a layer in Photoshop. Just when the conversation had ebbed into a pleasing repartee of banter and coquetry, MP’s girlfriend made an uncharacteristic leap into IT, talking about software. MP10, in a quite surprised state thought aloud: checkbox a) ”the world has a subtle way of pointing out ironies”, and b) ”a cut and paste case, for sure”. Irate at MP for his apparent reverie and disparagement, she scoffed and walked out on him for good. MP10 thought, ‘‘what a digital divide”, and went home to his CPU and Cathode Ray Oscilloscope (monitor). Then, MP10, the mouse, the CPU and the Monitor lived happily ever after.

One thought on “Mouse Potatoes’ Chronicles – Just in Jest

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