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It’s 19th August 2999 (and the barber’s lost his scissors)

This essay was written for a class assignment at the end of the millenium projecting what the world would be like after another thousand years . It projects the changes in society, human nature, and the sciences. The writer was 17 when he wrote it.

A Graded Essay

The sun rises. Its light rays gently kiss the earth. And the world is already a more beautiful place. The blend of steel and glass against the concrete landscape just looks marvelous. Aesthetic elements persist. Painters still paint. Singers still sing. And beauty is still the favorite theme. Men still get knocked down by women and women no longer fight for their rights. There’s no need to. Fighting is only for the dogs and the dogs work in the factories. Factories produce lots of goods. Institutions produce compressed minds. People still drink coke. The difference is that they drink only coke. Monopoly is the international game. And yes, people are still fond of games and murder. People have become busier. They never kill time. They kill stray men and mosquitoes. There is no life. Only remote controlled animations. But it is not all that gloomy. Plastic flowers adorn homes. People still make merry. They laugh a lot. At the poor and the unhealthy. Electricity is obsolete. Computers are antiques. E-mail is snail mail. P-mail (photo mail) carries love letters. Scientists have made astounding progress in tomato ketchup and lethal weapons. But psychologists argue that guillotine is indeed the best discovery of all. People no longer use spoons and forks. They use graduated pipes. People’s intestines have become weaker. They are unable to digest potatoes. And others’ success. Writers do not use paragraphs. Only paramathematicians do so. People still believe in themselves. Not in soap-free detergents. Words like ‘cool’ and ‘baby’ have been replaced by words like ‘minus three’ and ‘coconut.’ The rain did not ‘stopped’ falling ‘up.’ Grammar has become more dynamic. Static purists have committed suicide. Capital punishment has been reintroduced. Pregnant mothers are in the line. Everybody has forgotten Jesus and Buddha. Moron, the messiah is the new spiritual leader. Atheists have gone underground. They are praying to god that their lives be spared. The god is still invisible and under scrutiny. Everybody suspects he hides inside oysters in ocean beds. There are seventy zodiac signs now. And the spider has nine legs. The giraffe’s even taller than before. Mt. Everest is shortening. And people’s concern for others is heightening. Is anybody else daring to take the lead? Copper has become radioactive. Uranium is abundant and worthless. Ditto with people’s miseries. People are still unsatisfied. They always are. Jeans are out of fashion. Banana leaves are en vogue. All underwears have pockets. Pickpockets still steal. And the writers use the word ‘still’ more often. Madmen are the masters; mad women their counterparts. Environmentalists are panicking. They never cease to warn. Old men (and women) gossip in pubs in lonely lanes. They never seem to care. It’s bad manners to sneeze near a cow. And yawn in front of an ox. People envy pigs, as the alarm continues to wake up people. And beware! The Earth is bulging on the sides! Young people have given up drugs. They are now into tadpole-collection. Teachers still teach students and students still tease teachers. People continue to misunderstand each other. People haven’t stopped complaining. Now, nobody, save the politicians, plays the guitar. People have lost their sense of time and the barber’s lost his scissors (hence the title of this essay). People continue to be judged by people; though the set standards have been revised. Morality has been redefined. Values have shifted. Dimensions have changed. Constitution is banned. Nothing changed, but everything’s changed so much. Paradoxes and contradictions have become the rule of the world. Misinterpretations are rampant. The world has become an organized chaos. It’s 19th August 2999 and the humidity is 99.9%. The bird wants to fly. But its wings are chained. And the grading system is not yet abolished.