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Insecure Men

Insecurity is a feeling everyone experiences right from childhood to an older age, regardless of gender. I am focusing specially on male insecurity. And, it certainly makes for a peppier subject because of the perceived contradiction in the phrase- male insecure?
But let’s talk of the entire males. His mother and father have probably decided early in their parenthood how childhood toys are to be distributed between boys an d girls; …

tanks for the boys an dolls for the girls. In other word, an image of power, toughness and invincibility for the boys and home, family and gentleness for the girls. Constant comparisons between the supposed images of men and women have messed up the thought processes of both.

The minute boy is born in our home, he is subjected to superior treatment (ironically, the ones who make him feel superior are the women). I say “Subjected” because superiority always comes with a great burden of insecurity of the simple reason that it has an image to live up to. What an average boy knows himself by the time he’s 15 is: “I’m a man. I am better than a woman. At lest I am supposed to be better. I have to do well in life because I have a responsibility. My family members look to me for support.”

And it is exactly this sting of expectations attached to his being born a male that makes him insecure. He doubts whether he can fulfill them and spends al his life trying to overcome that doubt.

Another insecurity that afflicts a man after the age of 15 is in matters related to sex. I was surprised to read in a respected magazine that all women need to do to crush her partners’ ego. At this rate, men will start taking their sexuality so seriously that they will become performers following rules and instruction manuals rather than trust their own nature. They will attempt to kiss like Clark Gable or Keanu Reeves and if by chance their attempt backfires due to sheer nerves, they will not forgive themselves for a long time. A man usually covers up his feelings or inadequacy by developing an attitude. That is why there are many men who talks of “accomplishments” and “victories” among themselves in order to feel like “men”. In fact, sexual harassment of women is a direct result of a man wanting to deal with his insecurity, making him feel powerful, in command and in some strange way very good about himself.

Most men are under the misapprehension that woman go for the macho-man image. They also think on the part of the women, because to him she is his mental reference point. He forgets she is a human being with her own moods and expressions. I’m sure that ultimately, all that matters to a woman about a man is his human side. Fortunately, things are changing with more open-mindedness and awareness gradually slipping into society. The insecurities of a man or for that matter, a woman, will only disappear when we learn to treat both genders as equal human beings.

47 thoughts on “Insecure Men

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  15. भात खानेलाइ भन्‍दा
    पुरा खानेलाइ हतार

  16. Every one knows who are the supporters of SPAM. Here another proof coming from SPAM mouthpiece Kantipur:

    Nepali citizenship lures Indian hordes

    BY AMAN KOIRALA in Sarlahi & BINOD BHANDARI in Biratnagar

    Sarlahi / Biratnagar, April 10 – Yunus Miya, a local in Sarlahi district, has filed a case at the District Administration Office (DAO) against Harun Shesh of Laxmipur Kodraha VDC-6, alleging that he helped his son-in-law Rahidul Rahaman, an Indian national, acquire Nepali citizenship certificate by preparing fake documents.

    One of the evidences Miya submitted at the office against Shesh is the invitation card that the latter distributed during his daughter’s wedding ceremony. Miya has demanded cancellation of Rahaman’s Nepali citizenship certificate and stringent action against Shesh and others for helping an “Indian national” acquire Nepali citizenship.

    The invitation card Shesh distributed has Vutahi village of India printed as the address of Shesh’s son-in-law. The wedding ceremony was held on February 10.

    Miya claimed that people were involved in “selling Nepali citizenship” in the name of distribution to genuine Nepali people.

    Confirming that a case has been filed, Hom Bahadur Khadka, an officer at DAO stated they would start investigating once they completed the distribution.

    In Biratnagar, a huge number of “unfamiliar faces” have lately started gathering in and around several bordering villages in Morang district after the government team arrived for distributing citizenship certificates. Also, some Indian “brokers” have intensified their activities in border areas.

    Setting up tents in various places, some strangers, whom neither locals nor any of the eight political party representatives recognize, have

    gathered and are active in acquiring Nepali citizenship, said locals.

    Some Indians have enlisted their names at the index form of their relatives who live in Nepal. They either try to influence political party representatives in their favor or threaten them if the latter refuse to support them. Indian brokers have threatened a number of VDC secretaries for refusing to sign fake documents, according to some VDC secretaries. Some Indians who could not acquire Nepali citizenship even after spending money, locked up some local leaders and VDC secretaries in the area.

    Indians spend a minimum Rs 2,000 to 20,000 to influence Nepali authorities, sources said. Bali Ram Yadav and Lekh Ram Yadav of Kisangunj district Teragachh Bhoda Panchayat of India acquired Nepali citizenship certificates from Jhurkiya VDC, said VDC sources. They spent Rs 5,000 each to acquire the citizenship with their certificate numbers 053012/1002 and 053014/1003, sources said.

    Thousands of Indian nationals acquired Nepali citizenship certificates from Katahari, Jhurkiya, Majhare, Govindapur, Amardaha, Dainiya, Sorabhag, among other bordering VDCs, sources claimed.

    A group of “brokers” that included some Indians, locked up local leaders of eight political parties and the VDC secretary at Govindapur VDC office on Monday after they were “deprived of citizenship certificates” after they had spent money for the purpose and “completed all necessary procedures”. They were later released.

    Meanwhile, sources claimed that over 1,000 Indian nationals acquired Nepali citizenship certificates from Amardaha VDC alone. The Indians spent over Rs 2 million for the purpose in the VDC, sources disclosed.

    Ram Prasad Ghimire, Assistant Chief District Officer, stated that the administration would start investigations after April 13 as they had received so many complaints of such irregularities.

    Posted on: 2007-04-09 21:25:48 (Server Time)

  17. LOL. Who is talking about making whom poor? 17 years or criminalization and virtual business shut down. Everyone knows who made whom poor.

  18. nonamespammerSPAM: u r crct. KNG made Nepalese poor, taking away all wealth for himself only not utilizing a peny for nepalese people. Enjoying in tax of Nepalese.

  19. You are saying as if poor Nepali junta has to be uplifted by flowing down all our History and Geography down the drain. You are saying as if we don’t know who needs to be uplifted in Nepal. You are saying as if there is poverty only in Nepal and elsewhere there is none. You are saying as if we don’t know who is responsible for this poverty in Nepal (and in South Asia in general).
    You are saying as if we don’t know who created this problem in Nepal.

    You know the truth that who can bring peace and prosperity to Nepal. But your mind is too brainwashed to accept the fact! Another person who cannot analyse the situation and flows insanely with propaganda.

    And try and be a little original. Your comments didn’t make much moves inside me (and I am sure they wouldn’t move others) and your comment name wasn’t the best original one. You sound like just another SPAMmer. You seriously do! The first step of being a successful person is to respect your country and it’s culture, history, geography and everything associated with it. Otherwise you will keep being a second hand, low grade duplicate.

  20. SPAM means unwanted elements. Rest all is unwanted too. And why not Jai Desh! Jai Naresh! ?
    I have been born and brought up with respecting my King and my country and my family. They are all my family. I think you should also learn this…just like they do elsewhere in the world like Thailand, etc. You have been brainwashed by Propaganda of SPAM.

    I think you have forgotten your cultural values, national values and patriotism. Another brainwashed, hogwashed person.

    Anyway, who are this SPAM people to say there should be elections or not? Who are they? A bunch of criminals who came to power by criminal means? What is their identity to Nepal? What is their contribution? They have smothered every voice that raises up to block their autocratic powers. They are criminals…nothing more, nothing else!

    Poor people…yes and poor because of SPAM. We have seen it all from them! They will not make everyone rich, they will make everyone poor…All the businesses have died and said good bye to Nepal! I am surprised you do not even have the mind to analyse this. You must be one of the SPAMmers. Must be!

    And yes, don’t even think that I am going to argue with you on Yes Monarch or not Monarch. I would much rather argue on Sikkimisation of Nepal, criminalisation of Nepal, SPAMming in Nepal.

    The only people who support SPAM are the people who benefit from them. SPAM creates trouble in Nepal and people go out and seek assylum abroad saying there is trouble in Nepal. And then send money to SPAM to create more troubles in Nepal. A classic example…they just follow the Sri Lanka Tamil Tigers and their followers in the others part of the world. Do you think we don’t know who supports the criminals of Nepal?

    Respect your family, Respect your Monarch! Respect your Nation! All of these are our identity and source of National Unity! Unity is strength and purpose. In Unity lies our Peace and Prosperity…which SPAMmers and their propaganda and Indians (Indian National Congress) can’t give us. You have divided us but you can’t silent us altogether!

    Jai Desh! Jai Naresh!

  21. Hi Noname – what do you mean by SPAM? We are all Nepali and whatever is decided in CA elections, we have to accpet. Let us hope there is free and fair election. Please do nto worry about the King. There is no hope for him. Worry about poor Nepali who needs help and who needs to be uplifted by all means. It is only Jay Desh – not Jay Naresh.


  22. Hello friends,

    As I understand, this blog attracts some educated people. Hence, I would like you all to make your voices be heard towards the wrongs happening in our country. SPAM is taking away our culture and throwing us in the path of Sikkimisation and Destruction. Please wake up before it’s too late. SPAM neither has the mandate nor the authority to take any decision on behalf of any Nepali. We know that they are just funded by India (Indian National Congress) as Puppets. Please wake up before it’s too late.

    This is my sincere appeal to you all. There are some people who directly benefit from SPAM – the family & friends of SPAM, people who got into foreign lands because of help of SPAM, Human Rights, etc. Other than that most people would accept my words. Please…it is our country and we should do something. We know who is right and who is wrong. Let’s make our voices heard and say no to SPAM!

    Jai Desh! Jai Naresh! May Lord Pashupatinath Bless us all!

    P.S.: I am a Nepali not affiliated with anyone except to my country and my King and my people.

  23. as this is related to Geeta, I can’t stand without ansering. Pawan is right that the hidden messgae of Geeta allude to soemone getting reward when Karma is done without worrying about reward. Even losing is sort of being rewarded. Those who lose after doing Karma are not losers.

    Geeta – the Geeta Lover!

  24. pawan

    You are right in the sense that Gita conveys the message of doing the right thing and not expecting the outcomes. Which means there will an ultimate outcome- good or bad. But still I believe, the immediate message of Gita is to work(karma) without the expectation (of fruit).

    In today’s world, If I follow that concept, I will be doomed.

  25. “Do your karma” Yes. “Do not expect fruit so soon” Yes. But ultimately you will be rewarded with one, that is hidden message of Geeta.

  26. Both men and women should do their Karma – both will be rewarded with results.

    Geeta: Does not this statement of yours totally contradict the philosophy of Bhagbat Geeta.

    “karmanye-vaadhikaa-raste maa phaleshu kadaa-chan….”

    Do your karma without the expectation of fruit.

  27. Men think they are the one who work the harder than women. Women think otherwise. Who is right? This very debatable and we should not debate. Both men and women should do their Karma – both will be rewarded with results.

    Geeta – the Geeta Lover!

  28. Quoting Dovan,”It is a statistical fact that women in Nepal do more hard work and have less leisure.
    ” So, Women like Dovan born in country like nepal who really feel inner pain of women and has done a lot for their upliftment.

  29. Men whining over load of responsibilities…whew!

    Manager has more responsibility than tea boy.
    Prime minister has more responsibility than a clerk.
    US president has more responsibility than Nepal’s.

    Passivity is never a privilege.
    With responsibility comes authority and with authority comes Power.

    Men tried to disillusion women in this matter but modern women know this and therefore they have been fighting for the right to responsibility.

    They want to be ‘heir’ of their parents.
    They want to be leader of the state.

    Daughters work in the house all day and sons go to play cricket.
    But the parents look at their son with hope “my heir. my future support.”

    Women work like dogs to please their own parents and their parents in law.
    But still it is the sons that look after their parents.

    It is a statistical fact that women in Nepal do more hard work and have less leisure.
    But they are assumed to have less responsibility and therefore have less authority and freedom.

    Maybe, we need to rethink the division of labour or perspective on responsibility.

  30. If all girls/women/ladies/mothers/sisters were like Geeta, who craves for and decides for carrying out best duty and services to people by enlighting her lovely Karmic path all around, then this world would be a better place to feel secure from females.

  31. Please do not give gender falvor to this totally gender-unrelated matter. At certain apsects and at certain stage of life both men and women feel insecure. During childhood insecurity between girls and boys sort of resembles and when they grow beyond 12 or so, area of insecuirty start differing. Men and women are compliment each other and one should make other feel secured. That’s how things work. You may feel insecure as a man. But, do not worry, it is not uncommon. Take a long pause and relax. You will be fine. Talk openly to your close and dear ones, your insecurity goes away.

    Smile insecure man!

    Geeta – the Geeta Lover.

  32. Things have changed in the west and I have tried to outline couple of points.

    1. It is not necessary for a man to bring his wife in his home. In west there is no such tradition. After marriage the couple can live anywhere, it can be her home, his home , their parent’s home or on their own somewhere.

    Area of improvement: But still, if a couple gets divorced, man has to give up significant amount of his posession to the woman. I remember one of my friends having had very difficult emotinal time giving up his beloved pet.

    2. It is not necessary to take care of old parents. The state social benefits cover them nicely and again if parents are rich then they can have all sorts of services to take care of them in their old age. This relaxes lots of insecurity that the blogger has mentioned.

    Now when it comes to sex..

    Man needs to please woman and the opposite is true too. Many girls in our society doesn’t even know sexual pleasure and they will never know it, as sexual education and sexual liberation is restricted. Here I would like to point out that I said “many”, not “all”. The insecurity that a Man feels in this, as the Author himself pointed out, is the lack of openess.

    I totaly agree with Kiran Chalise that cursory look in our society sees that Women are dominated, but in real case Men are suffering more in terms of responsibilities. Now here women will argue that we do this and we do that, but it takes someone to light a fire to burn the entire jungle and that lies on man. This is kind of responsibilty is what brings insecurity in a man.

    Congratulations Kiran Chalise for puting this into words, it is not easy!! Well done!!

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