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At 84, Girija takes seduction to a new level

Who would have thought that at 84, Girija still has enough sex appeal to seduce all the major parties, including the excessively macho Maoists. But no doubt he does. After several rounds of courting at Baluwataar, Prachanda was fawning and Madav Nepal drooling. They rubbed their hands like lecherous men and nodded to everything our famous seducer said. “Finance? Sure.” “Home? Umm… Sitaula’s done a terrible job, but anything you want, darling.” “And what’s this here… Peace and Reconstruction? …

What’s that? Local peace councils, reconstructing schools and health posts and police posts… (pause to consider the popular support that portfolio would garner)… well, well, if that is what you want, dear!”

But no, the greatest seducer in Nepali history cannot settle for trinkets and baubles, he wants the Kohinoor.
Girija – (haughtily) And NC wants the position of the senior most minister too.

Prachanda – (being frustrated) But we had agreed that the Deputy PM would be from our Party.

Madhav – What about Sahana Pradhan? She is after all the senior most. She’s been in politics for 70 years.

Girija – But she’s a woman!!

Who could argue with that? Misogyny runs deep in the veins of all our political leaders, for inexplicable reason. Something we need to know about their pasts, maybe? Of the 22 cabinet members, only 2 are women. That despite the recent agreements to have 33% women in all sectors of government. But you cannot blame Girija for forgetting. After all, he’s 84.

Politicians aside, it is Girija’s seduction of Kantipur Publications, that self declared replacement of Gorkhapatra as the government mouthpiece, that is most impressive. Day after day in big letters, we get to see self-congratulatory remarks about how he “gambled 60 years of his political career”, and how he insisted against all who said “terrorists cannot be trusted”. By now we are all thoroughly convinced; had it not been for our octogenarian seducer we would never have had peace. April uprising or not.

We are also equally convinced, thanks to Kantipur, that the Home Ministry cannot screw up. True, 29 people died in the Terai unrest, many sustaining head injuries, but that was Home Ministry doing its job well. True, there was no police presence during the Gaur Massacre, and many died sustaining head injuries. But what could the Home Ministry have done, the head injuries prove that it was pre-planned, cold blooded, coordinated murder. Nope, the Home Ministry could have done nothing. And know why – because the Home Minister is from NC and NC never does anything wrong.

Not even with their leader’s tacit support for monarchy. Now, UML… they are the pro-royalists. They tabled a bill that allowed for the parliament to punish the king if he did anything against the spirit of the April uprising. How royalist can you get than that? Errr… difficult to follow. Well, don’t worry, Kantipur will make things clear. See, with that bill, UML tacitly accepted the king as a constitutional entity. If you don’t agree, go ask Girija, the wisest old man in the whole wide world.

But enough of domestic seduction. All our best wishes are with Girija during the SAARC summit. May he seduce, with equal success, the leaders of South Asia. Maybe he can win more than just portfolios for his party this time around.