My Dear Trouble Maker
Posted on Are you giving me hard time or am I allowing you to do so? I don’t know the exact answer for this, but I guess, I kept on taking everything you gave and once I denied your tantrums, you walked away and never turned around. Yes, I had been accepting everything so far, and now I am denying your giving me hard times. I don’t know I am doing right or wrong; however, came up with a thought, “You can’t give me hard time until and unless I choose (or allow) to let it affect me”. My life’s going to be hell if I let everyone give me hard time. It’s just too hard to walk away like this, but we got to try, don’t we?
Why are we arguing, fighting and hurting each other? Is it even worthy enough or is it still a hopeful bond? My dear Trouble Maker, isn’t it time for me/you to find out what’s going on and end it up and move on? I know I am asking hard questions to you and to myself where as there are barely easy answers for these questions, but I’m only trying to help myself and you out of this situation.
“It must be about you first; think of yourself first.” I, myself, have learned it quite late: I have realized how naive and childish I had been. Now it’s really a high time to toughen up, and to get on with it. We deserve more than what we are facing today. We got to go out and grab on to better things in life. I, seriously, don’t know what to do with you: avoid you or be good to you no matter what. May be, I should give some time to myself. I got to be myself.
I asked myself again - why am I doing this; what am I doing here; what is my priority and where am I heading; where do I want to lead my life; what will I b doing in 10-20 years time. This is not easy again. That’s when I realized I don’t have enough reasons to justify my answer, but a thought grasped my mind: I have been making things harder on myself; I need to distance myself from the situation and emotions and need to try to think objectively.
I, seriously, need to disassociate myself. Sometimes things are like sand in your palm: the harder you squeeze, the more it gets blown away. I want to be easy on myself; take care of myself. I no more want to accept suffering from myself or from someone else.
I believe: if someone makes u suffer, they are not good enough, but someone who really cares will never treat you that bad for long. I know all this is not easy but the situation I am in is hell as well. I know it takes lot of courage to change myself. It’s the hardest thing to do but achievable, however, try to change others - Impossible!!
I am strong enough. I don’t want to blame myself anymore for everything that happened in my life cause I know the other party is equally or maybe at times even more responsible for my sufferings and consequently, I have been making life hard on myself.
“Sometimes happiness is like butterflies: if you chase, it will elude you; turn around and it will come and sit on your shoulder.” Am I depending too much on others for my own happiness? Am I supposed to be happy with myself? Yes, I want to like myself, and love myself first and then I want to learn to be happy.
Of course, I do miss you, and I will always hate myself for missing you, but why do I need to hate myself? I should hate you and let you go: I am missing someone I am not supposed to.
Again, I know I got to make a choice - either listen to my heart or listen to my head, and be consistent. These two do not get along, and they will never. Are u getting me or getting harder to understand? I, too, can’t seem to find a way out of the maze we got into, so it’s better to let go of you My Dear Trouble Maker.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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December 15th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Nice article.I love it. Expressing the reality. It touched my heart. Keep it up.
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December 15th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Hmmm…Yeti chado haresh khanu bhayeko …. Relationships are always Unique and every body has their own litany of tough times. But, dont you think those small fights, small discuss, small kiss, small love makes the whole relationship alive. Every where we go, we dint partition , it’s not only hard but impossible to find someone, who is as same as us, no leaves of same plant, no fingers of same palm are identical. Before you try to be better off to let go the Trouble Maker, get a retrospective ride of Joy, and remember the good times. Hope that will give you a lil’ more courage to continue.
” Love is saying sorry 1000 times if you have to”- John Lennon.
Great Time ahead “Amado”
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December 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
You want to let go of your Dear Trouble Maker.
But what would you do if the Trouble Maker comes back into your life?
What if the trouble maker asks for forgiveness and confronts everything?
Would you overlook and ignore it?
Or grasp each other in bliss.
Or just ignore and start crying later :P?
loved reading it, recalled my past.
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December 16th, 2009 at 10:50 am
amado, i am not an expert in human relationships but here are my thoughts: there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. there is no way that you will find your ideal person and lead a ‘happily ever after’ life. even the wildest of your fantasies will stink one day.
a few questions to ask yourself:
- why is the TM treating you that way?
- is it something to do with the way you have been treating TM?
- what if you are misinterpreting the TM’s treatment towards you and vice versa?
maybe you have already come up with the answers to those questions and already decided that the only way out of the ‘maze’ is letting go of TM. i will not try to convince you otherwise since i do not know you or your TM but this i will say: think from TM’s perspective as well and see if the origins of the discord can be identified and mutually agreed upon.
if the two of you can do that, work towards patching up the relationship. if you cannot do that, yes, end the relationship and stop calling the TM a Dear. be strong. be happy with yourself.
p.s. you feel freely and write well. good luck.
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December 16th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
i really loved it.. heart touching…(Y)
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December 23rd, 2009 at 2:58 pm
@Khambu: I so much agree with those little things giving great happiness in a relationship, but things get complicated when these little things get piled up to take a form of hill…n you are in greatest dilemma when there is love n yet there is more hate than love…. Love always does not mean to be in a relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend..these issues show up in other form of relationship as well…no offense Khambu..every individual has his/her own perspective….n I do remember those good times and have smile on my face..but still sometimes it’s better to let go rather than keep holding on it to make things easier for both parties…
@Amrak: I believe, it’s not a wise idea to cry over spilled milk..and as i said, there are other priorities in life that need to be looked upon rather than to ponder about the questions that can hardly be answered with any justification…”When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.”-The Beatles
@amigo: i appreciate the questions you came up with, but this is not what i was expecting when i wrote this. This seems like some counselling portal. :)..I am all cool: i just meant to jot down what i felt…n tried to portray them in reality…Also, this is regarding my platonic friend, much more respectful relationship than love relationship..and i guess, i already am strong enough to let go of best part of me n my life..
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